This post is long because I’m not posting regularly. It’s a snapshot of where my body, mental health, and ongoing legal situation currently stand.
After having a pretty awful holidays, I spent NYE and New year on a fair amount of substances. Whilst laying in bed kinda out of it watching TV, where my body was so relaxed I felt it starting to crack audibly in quite a few places. Which isn’t new to me, but without input? Yeah that’s kinda new. I then continued to use more substances to relax deeper which released a whole lot of muscle tension. A year ago I went to a Chiropractor when things started getting really intolerable, unfortunately it didn’t help it made the situation worse and I later found out that people with MPS should not have chiropractor or osteopath treatment. The place where he cracked me the most was my lower back, and I found my fascia going from soft and loose to rock hard tight which followed all the way up to my face and all the way down to my feet.
Whilst I was in this hazy state, I did small massages around that area and felt the left side of my lower back loosen up and it followed all the way up to my face where it loosened even in what it felt was my nose area and I could finally smell again. One thing I noticed was for a year up until I started getting really bad physiological issues, my sense of smell would come and go until it eventually full went. This was the first time I had a passive sense of smell in years. When smelling things like cannabis, I could smell it when putting some effort into the focus of smelling it, but with this latest change I could actually just smell stuff around me that I hadn’t previously before. I followed up by massaging the back of my legs and behind my shoulders where I had never previously felt knots, just felt like muscle tension. But this state of being relaxed was able to make me self aware of knots and adhesions to my fascia that I hadn’t felt before. I found an image which best describes this and will include it at the bottom of the post.
Since then muscle tension all the way up and down my body has felt a great sense of relief, but I still have a great amount of work to do on the right side of my body and can’t say the same about the right side of my lower back yet, it’s still just as fucked as before. I know with time and patience I will be able to get the adhesions to release though, it’s just a shame that my body only responds to chemical interventions as I’ve tried pretty much everything else in the fucking book and nothing “natural” seems to work, don’t matter how much I try. I still wonder about connective tissue disorders like EDS, as where my fascia has been so tight it has visibly displaced the top of my spine in and out of position, something that I know lots of people with connective tissue disorders suffer from. I’m not sure I’ll go to rheumatology though, since last time I went they just said in a letter to my GP that it’s definitely muscular-skeletal and not nerve based (even though the idiot David Wynick falsely recorded I said I have nerve pain when I didn’t.) And that was about it. If that’s all they’re going to say again, I’m not sure whether I want to go. As far as neurology I don’t trust them at all, they will probably try blame the issues on trauma like the professor did without proper investigation (talk about judging a book by its cover) and I’ve already been diagnosed with FND. I was unsure of whether this was recorded properly as the BRI diagnosed me with it during my hospital admission at the Bristol Royal Infirmary but did not record it. However after attending a recent doctors appointment with my therapist, she read the list of diagnosis I had and FND was on the list, which is really the only reason I would attend neurology for. I want to be clear that it’s very probable that previous trauma has played a part in the myofacial pain, tension, knots and adhesion I have. However, I feel it’s just to pinpoint the right condition as otherwise you cannot correctly treat it properly.
One thing that’s occurred for me since being in less pain from these pressure releases is the onset of depression and PTSD, which previously was being overridden by the amount of pain I was in. I’m not really sure what to do with it or how to manage it if I’m honest, cannabis is helping but it’s a double edged sword. To little and it’s pointless, too much and you can end up overthinking shit and being worse off, I’m assuming this has somewhat to do with my super low tolerance at the moment though so I need to keep somewhat of a baseline tolerance to not have adverse effects. It really upsets me looking back that a great deal of my refusal of care from the NHS was based on my legal cannabis prescription. I plan to upload some of the recordings from the mental health service that I got in my SAR request that blamed everything on cannabis and also occurrences of staff screaming and shouting at me on the phone. I look forward to releasing those as it builds up a better generalised picture of how I’ve been treated by the NHS over time and who knows, I might eventually find myself with enough that I’ve archived to think it could be time to put in a claim. It sounds bad that I would want to claim against both the police and NHS, but let me be clear about something. I’ve already gone to the police about NHS workers that have been abusive and have been met with dismal and purposefully bodged cases as it’s in their best interests to protect another government institution.
When I think about it all, it just makes me want to get the fuck out of dodge and leave the UK, at least relocating to London will be a good start as it will get myself out of this shitty city and whenever I’ve gone to London, I’ve aways had a really pleasant time and experience. I’m starting to look at what freelance work I could possibly get into or remote coding work so that I can start trying to make some opportunities to leave this hell hole which is the UK. The good thing about coding and server administration is it’s a skill in demand and lots of countries lack people in that field, which hopefully means a country of my choosing would be more willing to give a work visa if they don’t have as many people as they need with that skillset. The unfortunate thing for me is I’ve not spent time collecting qualifications over the years for the coding work I’ve been learning, so I’m looking at what I can do to fast track that by seeing if I can at least jump straight to the exams for entry level qualifications, if not further qualifications to.
I’m starting to realize that the things abusive people hate most is being shown up in the spotlight, in the darkness is where they get away with things and where they thrive, so I plan to make as much material public as possible that shows the abuse I’ve gone through and suffered. I have a flash drive that the NHS sent me which includes all of the calls and interactions I’ve had with them over the past two years since I got ill, so when I feel ready I’ll start troving through it pulling up pieces that were people were abusive and archiving it. People say that it’s damaging for neurodivergent people to relive there experiences, and they are probably not wrong, however I need some way of recovering because nothing else seems to be working right now.
It makes me laugh that the police called my mum and said “are you okay with the things he’s put up off you?” (relating to the social care records from when I was a kid that showed abuse.) It seems like when you out multiple people for causing harm and their mistakes, they come together to try and take you down. Unfortunately for them, the protections this site is under are legally is extensive and far longer than even those I’ve put on the legal page. The biggest being the human rights to freedom of speech. “Everyone has the right to freedom of expression. This right shall include freedom to hold opinions and to receive and impart information and ideas without interference by public authority and regardless of frontiers.” I’ve diverted from using the blog in anger and making posts that those could use to twist in their favour, to using it more smartly when expressing discontent and to expose the wrongdoings I’ve faced from others that haven’t wanted to take accountability over the years.
I’ve realised the best way to pursure karma for my parents getting me wrongly arrested twice, after the first time they threatened to petrol bomb me which the police said was fine and the second time I was hit to the floor by my stepdad and was dragged out instead, is to not get angry or make threatening posts about them. No, that would be making things easy for them to frame me as someone unstable. The better way of doing things is just to speak the truth and publish evidence I have of them being abusive over the years and follow up with how that has affected me. They’ve essentially gotten stuff put on my police record that could potentially prevent me from doing further things in life that I could want to do, and that’s the primary thing that sticks in my mind when people have said to me about letting it go or dropping it. I’ve already shown them to be exactly what they are on the care records snippet page and I don’t intend to stop anytime soon, and that goes for everybody. I know they are looking to go to court with social services for their "wrongful" intervention and I plan to attend that hearing with my evidence and side of the story, so that they are not successful with this sham claim. Quite obviously you can see in the care notes that intervention was necessary and they have continued to be abusive to me to this day which I will speak up on. They seem to think that buying presents that I don't want or ask for is a sufficent excuse to be a shitty family and be abusive to me, which has been a manipulative trend since when I was a kid.
Going through my SAR records from the police, it’s evident how much doesn’t add up as I had a officer that gave a shit (I could tell whilst banged up) and was noting on my records I was in evident physical pain from what had happened during my arrest. And then the officers that came on afterwards that were trying to cover up for the wrongdoing of previous officers have falsely said I was not in pain as well as the prison custody nurse. What works wonders in my favour is I requested the footage the following day, and about 10 times within the space of that month to show the abusive treatment I had whilst in custody, they waited until the 31st-32nd day to email me back and say they waited a day to late and it was deleted…yeah, my fucking ass. It gives me a lot more encouragement for my small courts claim to be able to say abuse happened, I specified it and it was purposefully covered up. Not to mention the brain injury recorded by A&E that A&S gave me during the arrest.
I was going to do a small courts claim as the solicitor I had in custody very much wanted to help and said between the assault and being stamped on by the police officers when I went to question why my mum had petrol bombed me, to them illegally seizing my medical cannabis and morphine and lying about it in the PSD report. However he’s not got back to me recently and I’m not hanging about for it to become too late. However, I’m first looking into no win no fee solicitors that specialise in police abuse cases as I know between everything that’s happened, it would not be hard to wipe the floor with them. It’s also why I’ve held of from writing out a full profile for the officers that did this, as I wouldn’t want it to interfere with upcoming court case which I will have one way or another, even if I have to do it via small claims court.
Hopefully over the next few days with drugs, water and rest, I can release the final bits of facial adhesions I have and be out of this nightmare for good. It might be wishful thinking on my behalf, however it seems that the left side of my lower back hasn’t locked back up yet and neither has above or below it on the left side of my body. I’m guessing the anchor points for all this fascia tension is where the chiropractor forcefully put his whole body weight into cracking my muscles on my lower back last year, but I guess what was I supposed to do when my body and neurology was getting worse and I had no fucking answers and no one interested in helping. I still get bad FND symptoms on a day to day basis with my eyesight (white and black spots, white patches and black lines), jolts/spasms, but these mostly amplify when I’m stressed or in distress and I’ve come to terms with the neurology side of things, it’s just the pain that was a absolute bitch to handle and untenable and I’m glad I see some exit on the horizon.
Legal context & rights
• This article is a first-person account of my personal experiences and perceptions.
• It is published under Article 10 of the European Convention on Human Rights (freedom of expression).
• Public expression is not unlawful solely because it causes offence, distress, or discomfort.
• Harassment or stalking requires direct, targeted conduct; a public blog does not meet this threshold.
• This article does not invite contact, action, or harassment toward any individual.
• Readers who do not wish to engage are free not to read further.