Not sure what happened, but PTSD seems to be a hell of a lot worse today. Didn’t wake with any nightmares thankfully from using a shit load of cannabis before bed but even so, I’ve had a lot of incidents pestering me from what’s gone on the past couple years and doesn’t seem to be letting go. I setup a bot that just posts crime reports to A&S police constantly about my medical cannabis being taken, I figured if my solicitor won’t reply that said would help me from custody I’d do something to get their attention. If they want to press charges against me for whatever that’s cool, but the reason will have to be brought up if they take it to court which is that they assaulted me, whilst hiding the body cam footage and also took my morphine and medical cannabis and the bitch from professional standards helped the officers get away with it. I’d be happy to say in court, yeah I did dozens and dozens of reports, to get someones attention, because it seems like A&S police are allowed to get away with whatever the fuck they want. I setup a script to fill the reports out in the background so I don’t even have to think twice about it.
Apparently it’s alright according to them for my parents to make constant threats to me about petrol bombing my place and harassing me, but when I go to question them about it I get a kick in, so I’ll be making sure my parents feel the heat as well as A&S over the next coming weeks. I’ve tried letting things go, but obviously for someone who already had PTSD it’s not going to be easy or seemingly even possible to do. I know A&S as fucked my sexual abuse case now by not telling my officer not to investigate my case as she told me the last time I met her, “I often ask week to week to investigate your case but am often told no.” Which along with her non contact, has only come about since A&S has run ins with me last year, consisting of stealing my medical cannabis and morphine and lying about it and also assaulting me by standing on my back when I went to see why my parents were threatening to petrol bomb me.
I’ve learnt any small glimpse that this shit is just going to go away and leave me is just that, a small glimpse. And when it comes back I don’t have the tools to deal with it nor should it just be me learning to cope with the aftermath of other peoples abusive treatment. I took half a Xanax to try cool off but Xanax, tramadol, hash and weed just isn’t killing what’s going on for me at the moment. If being somewhat sober your always going to be subjected to shit like this, then I’m thinking it’s probably best I go back to using benzodiazepines again where I just don’t have to feel anything at all.