So after waiting 3-4 weeks for my tramadol script to be initalized because the doctor wanted to "get the brand right." She's prescribed the wrong type of tramadol, Tramadol SR instead of IR (instant release.) I lost my shit and sent both a email and NHS message to her. I haven't complained about this doctor because she's been the only one to want to help somewhat, but this just takes the piss. I said in the email, if I take cocaine and ketamine like my friend who referred me to you, would I get better treatment? He had no lecture over addiction despite his drug use and was given codeine and diazapam, what a fucking joke. Yet I've been sent to the drugs project, where when they took one look at my health conditions they were like, you're not a addict, your a patient with health issues? No shit.
I've been told not to return to the drugs project as they can't help me and the doctor has been no help either, sound fucking right to you? Because it doesn't to me. Pain relief shouldn't be earned, it's a right that people with serious health conditions should be entitled to. I'm glad I stocked up on my own pain relief, because the treatment I've had is nothing short of discrimination. Maybe if I started putting cocaine and ketamine up my nose, things would be different, what a fucking world we live in I guess.
I struggled to get myself out the house today, just to be given the wrong type of tramadol after emphazing the type I use, tilomed time and time again. I'm thinking about giving up with trying to get a legit prescription, I've done everything in my power to be prescribed legitimately but barriers are being put in place purposefully to see me fail. Punishment yet again for trying to do the right thing, seems like a overwhelming theme in life.
This might seem petty but it's thrown me over the fucking edge, I made it explicit how I feel about daily pickups for 30 days straight via email to my doctor given everything that's gone on. Feels rediculous that if I was putting cocaine and ketamine up my nose, I'd get better treatment.
I've still had anxiety about keeping the site up, but after everything that's gone on the past 1-2 years I think it's just to call people out for the things they have done and the impact it's had on me. I've used evidence where I've had access to it to explain my experiences and where I haven't, it's because evidence had been unlawfully kept from me to protect the people who have done such things.
Suicidal feelings have been getting worse, but at this point I'm struggling to manage escalating distress and unsafe coping strategies due to repeated system failures. The last thing I want to do is let people win by offing myself, but people are really not just sticking the knife in, but twisting it just to bring me down. I'm done making a effort just for it to result in more harm and then people to label me as difficult, it's psychological torture and not something I can put up with for much longer. I hoped that by going to the pharmacy today it would have been the start of something positive, but I don't even think I'll use this shitty slow release tramadol as instant release is only just about cutting it for me anyway.
I told the pharmacist if it gets corrected, I'm not going to be able to make it in daily for a month straight, just isn't something possible witn my deteriorating health. He said you should really come in and not use black market tramadol, I said my doctor has already encouraged the use of blackmarket tramadol that I pickup of the street as it took her close to a month to initiate a script that takes all but five minutes. And was told to just use that in the meantime, so not my fucking problem.