After barely being able to sleep for the best part of a week, I finally got a long sleep last night and was able to feel some recovery amongst the tight muscles throughout my body. Even when I’ve not felt like I’ve needed it, I’ve been sticking to 100mg of Tramadol around every 12hrs. Need to start trying to get some routine in, will definitely help with conserving energy and reducing my meltdowns and anger. I keep falling asleep on the sofa with ends up fucking my quality of sleep to the point where I almost wake up feeling worse, so trying to implement some form of routine where I make sure I get my ass in bed may be helpful. The doggo’s been waking me up several times a night even if I do manage to get myself in bed, so I’m looking at dog proofing the living room so that he can have his space to sleep and I can have mine. People cage their dogs when they go to sleep, so I don’t think having him sleep on the sofa is all that bad even though my parents would see it as cruel, then again they treat their animals better than they treat their children.
Every so many hours I end up having PTSD episodes at the moment, I’m not sure why but it’s been worse since the holidays started. Consists of having something like a panic attack but not quite as debilitating. Just end up getting sweaty as fuck, with flashbacks of events and heart racing like hell. The only way I’ve managed to keep a lid on it is medical cannabis, I’ve been a bit short this month as I thought I get paid on the 5th instead of the 10th, so has been a bit of a stretch. I’m thinking of getting a 3 month script written up for this Dantez inferno though as it’s been really good for bringing me down in a meltdown or approaching one to being chill. I’m thinking of doing 3 different strains at 60gs and then 4x rosin vape carts to make one last a week each, hopefully that would prevent me getting strain lock whilst not having to worry about chasing stock for a while.
Need to try focus on getting the house more cleared out today before trash comes Monday, I’m not that far from the place being pristine it’s just a whole lot of boxes and recycling I’ve gotta get rid off. Feels better the house being cleaner but still need the council to come sort the mould out in the bathroom as it’s hard to seal of from the rest of the house and makes it hard to use the bathroom, but I had to rebook the visit yesterday as I was in way to much fucking pain where I couldn’t sleep the previous night. Once I’ve cleaned up I thought about putting some time into updating/posting further articles on my blog relating to NHS/police incidents but I’m not sure if my minds doing well enough to dig up that shit today, as strange as it sounds it’s almost better to write that stuff up when I’m in a decent mood and know it won’t send me further into a worse mood if I’m already in one. I know and the people I’ve posted articles on, either fully written or placeholders, so I’ve got all the time it takes instead of rushing or making myself feel worse before dragging all that stuff back up again. I’ll probably just focus on and get on more with my side project that I’ve been enjoying, seems like a better way to temporarily feel better for a bit after I’ve got done with chores. Need to setup a docker compose file so that my python API can contact my Laravel project over an internal network, whilst still giving my python project access to the internet for tasks but having a whitelist for the API to either use API keys or internal IP whitelist for API requests. Need to go through the docs of Laravel again to, to read up on event listeners so jobs that require up-to-date status information can display it in a asynchronous manner instead of using polling which drains system resources. Probably just dedicate most of tonight to crafting the compose file to best work with the Laravel environment and python environment in separate containers, I’ll host the DB externally so won’t need a db container, only a nginx one.
Peace,
Stitch