Last night as I was releasing some of the last tension in my lower body, I felt dumps of adrenaline, cold and hot flushes, nausea and overall feeling like the worst illness I’ve ever. Couldn’t move a muscle and was stuck in bed. Woke feeling pretty shitty, but overall a lot better. When I looked up why this happened, apparently it’s a common occurrence after releasing lots of built up facia tension as your nervous system finally stands down after a great amount of time. My sense of smell came back fully, and the tension in my back and waist has gone down tenfold. I guess spending a week in bed for the first time in I don’t know how long, whilst making sure pain was treated with tramadol and cannabis, gave my system finally time to rest which it’s needed for so long. Nightmares were vivid as fuck, even using cannabis before sleeping. Apparently from what I’ve read this morning, that’s on par with releasing a great amount of facia and muscle tension to. Bleak.
Since I’ve woke, I’ve just been doing some light dev work. I decided to make a mobile client for my private LLM usage, however I’m working on memory and context in chat windows to make it so that the LLM always feels like it’s in tune with the user. I diverted to using things like OpenRouter and other API’s as I started diverting away from gippity for privacy concerns. Openrouter is so cheap, that I’m wondering whether I could use it as a wrapper to resell as an app on the App Store.
Sent a email last night to my clinic, to give them once last chance to sort my script with 2 months of stock held back for me. If they can’t I’m going to just leave, but before that, I’ll see if I can just use my clinic in conjunction with IPS pharmacy. Really looking forward to finally getting some Rosin, as that seemed to help with any symptoms I get for both physical and mental health. I’m hoping as time goes on if my physical stays stable, I can start to deescalate my tramadol usage and tail off using it. I do feel it helps with mood, but quite frankly I’d rather micro dose with mushrooms for serotonin uptick rather than using tramadol.
Still dealing with bad PTSD on a daily basis. I have consistent thoughts how to get retribution on those who have done me harm, but I’m concentrating on fully restoring my health before I start going down those avenues. No one is going anywhere anytime soon and doesn’t make them any less accountable for what happened. Health first. Accountability doesn’t expire.